One of the hardest things I experienced considering all the decisions I had to make, was to just think. To be able to think and make decisions was so daunting a task, that I still find it hard to put into words. I was exhausted emotionally and bewildered by the magnitude of the details of life.
On one of his last violent episodes after I filed for divorce, my husband broke the restraining order and broke into our home. I came home from work to find my entire office was in complete disarray. All the files were strewn all over the room, coffee poured all over them, and important legal and financial documents gone. I was paralyzed with fear. I closed that door and it would be 2 years before I could face going back into that room. I had ADT security system installed the next day, and life went on. Our grown daughter, who was the only person able to help me file the original restraining order and follow through with the divorce, would once again, step in and help me until I could help myself again.
She gathered what she could, of the retrievable documents, and tried to create a reasonable filing system with what was left. She handled the monthly bill paying, records keeping and filing. God bless her, I don’t know how I would have made it without her.
My 2 young sons, as well, were astonishingly supportive, forgiving and compassionate, as we made tremendous changes to try to piece together our broken lives.
Astonishingly, my work life thrived. I got a promotion, and a raise, and took on a second job helping others get their paper lives under control through a small business I created called Absolute Solutions to supplement our income.
But, once I got home, I faced the emptiness and heartbreak of facing life without, what I had considered, my best friend (not at all unusual for victims of domestic violence to cling to this sort of dysfunctional view of the relationship). Still not able to open the door to my home office, I would just walk right past it and on to my bedroom, where I spent the rest of my evenings until I’d drop from exhaustion.
I finally realized I had to get back to “living” in my own home. I started to create to-do lists and created a mantra that would sustain me for the next 4 years, and enable me to just take one more step. Make the next right decision. It enabled me to focus, and it went like this:
“With God’s grace, I will do only that which brings me delight, either in the commission or the completion of one task at a time. And I will walk within my house with a perfect heart, honoring the Lord in all I think, say and do”
Soon I was able to enter my office and clean out the entire room, do the necessary repairs and recreate a safe, orderly environment in which to take back the business of running a home and managing a family. Stay with me, and I’ll share how I pulled it all together, by enlisting the help of my boys to teach them to take part in rebuilding our finances and our family life.
JUST FOR TODAY: Walk with me and find out “What to do, when you don’t know what to do?” Do the next right thing today.
